You would think that with the economy shut down and everyone having “stay at home” orders, that I would have all this free time to write and write.

But we are in the ninth week of this and I have not been feeling very creative.

Yet, each day goes by, very quickly ironically, considering the circumstances.

Originally, I thought I would have my house in impeccable order, going through things, organizing closets, the garage, and the basement.

I have done some organizing, which has led to other places to organize.

Think of the book, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” or The Family Circus comic where Billy leaves footprints all over the place before he gets to where he is going. Or for the mathematical people, I tangent a lot.

In fact, just this morning, I was going through an old photo album (yes, album) of my younger years. Some of the photos taken with a 110 camera and some, more advanced, with my 35 mm camera I received when I was 18 years old.

This was way before the digital age with have now.

As I perused my adolescent through my 20s self through my “woman of a certain age” eyes, I remembered the people, places, and events that I had celebrated in those pictures.

Of course, as I showed some of the pictures to my 12-year-old daughter, she only focused on how my hair looked or how I had changed physically. Hey, it was the 80s and 90s when big hair ruled.

I was trying to pare down how many photos I have. There were sometimes four or five pictures that were similar, so I worked on keeping one or two.

I have photos from weddings where the people have been divorced for twenty years. I figure if I cannot remember who is in the picture, then I do not need it.

I also spent some time taking pictures with my phone and sending them to the people in them.

For example, my niece has gotten a few pictures from when she was a baby. Now, I know her mom has lots of pictures too, and they may end up being the same ones.

At least, she will have them on her phone now and can access it easier than wherever her mom has her photo albums.

And then there are the pictures of people who have passed away.

In the midst of this chaos, well actually at the beginning of it, my brother passed away. It was NOT virus related.

So many people have passed away from this virus, but there are people who are still dying from other things like heart attacks and cancer. It is just that the news is focused on the number of people because there is no hold on this virus. Yet.

Now, it is surreal enough to think of a sibling being gone in his late 50s but with the stay at home orders and social distancing, we could not even give him a proper send off. There is no closure.

He lived 300 miles away, so I did not see him every day, so it is like he is still alive.

We are left with pictures and memories.

Luckily, in the world of smartphones, there are more pictures and videos readily available.

My brother loved to sing. Actually, all four of us love to sing. DNA, what can I say?

Luckily, we are left with many videos of him singing. He loved to go out to karaoke. He also wrote and recorded his own songs.

Within the last year or two, he had even created a CD of all his “hits”. It is a nice way of having a piece of him. We can play his songs and hear his voice.

But it is still hard to think of him as gone forever.

As we get older, I guess that is our new “norm” as well, in this crazy time.

Grandparents, parents, friends’ parents, but it was usually the generation above us (or before us?).

Not our own generation, but alas, now it is our own generation.

And in this time of quarantine, I look at those pictures and wonder where did all those years go?

They flew by while I was busy working (for many years two jobs), trying to pay the bills, and shuffling my child off to activities.

With all this “free” time, I have looked back…and now I am trying to look forward.

What will I do next? What are my options? Can I use this time to learn something new? There are many things that I would like to learn about.

Apparently, we are getting older whether we like it or not. Even though in my mind I am in my 30’s still (hey, it used to be my 20’s still, so I have progressed), time keeps marching on.

I do not want to look back and see opportunities squandered or lament that I did not have the time.

Right now, that is all we have…time. Now, what am I going to do with it?

And how about you? What are you doing with it?

Are you treasuring the time spent at home? Treasuring the time with your family without having to run to activities (since they were all forced to close). Finding different ways to connect with loved ones?

Comment below and let me know how you are doing.

I hope you are finding some joy in this chaotic time and of course, I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy.